you think you know me, but you really don't, baby

Me, I...

1. Say the f word lots when I'm angry.
2. Like Italian, Indian and traditional British food. But not fried, manufactured or air milesy stuff.
3. Like my independance and my space. Emotional claustrophobia exists in my vocab.
4. Use prefixes and frenglish in my everyday conversation with my friends. Annoying? Yes. Stupid? No, I do what I please.
5. Like making food for sick people. I'll be there with a pasta dish or cake or pudding or soup when someone is hurt/lonely/sad/grieving/sick... Even sometimes when I don't like that person particularly.
6. Hate it when people try to 'suss me out.' I was talking to this person who was trying to prove he knew me my ticking my personality traits and mannerisms off on his fingers. He would need about 8 hands before he knew me well enough, to um, be what he wanted to be to me, you get me? 
7. Make up recipes and try them... If they taste crappy I own a dog who is such a good dustbin.
8. Hate it when people compliment too much. For example, one of my teachers rarely says well done, but when she does, you truly earn it, and it's so so so much more satisfying.
9. Think I have my friends for life at the moment.
10. Like drastic change. Upheaval is good for me, I'm used to it. For example, I had all of my hair cut off last week. Long, spiral ringlets are gone, short, choppy curls (which don't make me look like a poodle) are here for now.

I don't have much advice to give today other than to live your life, be happy and grateful for all you have.

I'm also withholding comment on the 'removing the cap from university fees' debate because it makes me so so sad to think may intelligent young people who may not be financially flush but have worked their hardest to get a good education/grades will be denied a university place as they cannot afford it. It seems only rich dumb bastards will be the educated elite in our society.

Plus I get angry talking about Mr Cameron, Mr Osbourne and their plans for this country. It makes me very scared.

A list to add to.

So. In my quest to get into med school, I have decided to make a list. I looked down my last few posts and decided that it's pretty negative to be honest, and 16 years isn't a long time to be alive but here's the thing.

• Some people live in one place for their whole life. They live in a bubble of isolation for 60,70,80+ years, and learn nowt. Or, you get the ones that don't give a shit. Literally, do not care what is going on in the world because they are too stuffed up their ass to notice.

• Then you get the kids who may not be old. They may not be knowledgable in years, but hey, they've seen enough. I reckon I fit into that category.

It may seem pretentious. It may seem out there. Possibly even stuffed up my own ass. But I reckon that I have learnt a few things along the way from birth to now that maybe others may not have noticed. So. 5 things for today.

1. 99% effort will get you nowhere. 110% effort may get you somewhere. Give it your all and with a bit of luck, you will be where you want to be.
2. Don't try and make a career out of your hobbies. Hobbies are fun. Jobs aren't. Don't combine otherwise you will end up hating what you love.
3. Sometimes, just sometimes, violence is the answer.
4. The 'Keep Calm, Carry On' mantra. Learn it. Don't just adopt it. Marry it. Then your children will be born with the innate ability to, well, keep calm, carry on.
5. Eat. Good. Food. Always.

Anyway. That's it for today, I'm tired.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keep_Calm_and_Carry_On Poster :)

can i just say how much i LOVE christina hendricks.

I do. I really really do.


Plus I would have wanted to work at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Just to be like Peggy, or Joan, and kick butt.

(It's rained all day, I hate people, my umbrella broke and cut my hand, I have to work tonight, I hate people, I did literally nothing all day and now I'm cooking supernoodles, watching a shit documentary about kiddies proms. Which I didn't have. And won't. Ever)

/post.

from the high horses back...to the not-so-soft muddy ground.

So, last week, despite being ill, I was on a real high. About everything. I was feeling good about school, I had a gorgeous horse whom I adore to pieces, I was booking academically and yeah, great great times.

Then this week. I was exhausted from being ill, didn't really rest this weekend past, so started Monday by nearly missing the train. Yeahhhhh.

By today, out of 7 work experience letters I have posted to 7 different medical practices, 4 have been rejections. Not to worry, I shall write to some more and cross everything possible.

I messed up a Chemistry and Psychology test today. And I got 11/17 on my Biology test which I did on Monday. Plus a piece of Chemistry homework I thought I was good for, thought I understood, turns out I got literally 3 out of 20. So I now feel like basically, I suck. At life. But this didn't get me down too much - I picked myself up, dusted down and can start again.

Today, three big assed factors got me down, apart from what I just mentioned.

1. I got told two out of 5 of my ALIS grades. Like predicted statistical thingies. A in Biology. A in French. Oh feck. This is good/bad. Good I am expected to achieve this. Bad I am expected to achieve this. Scared me a bit.
2. Spoke to my tutor today (who I first thought was a dragon, but is actually rather lovely) and explained my abundance of extra curricular stuff that is taking up ample amounts of time. She suggested that I drop my paid work, as this had nothing regarding my career involved, just an extra £25 in the pig for spendies.
3. I fell off my horse. Didn't hurt PHYSICALLY (Well, my ass did and does a bit) My ego, confidence and general 'fight' is just gone, shattered and broken. And, to see his retreating ass as he galloped home just summarised my life right now. That if I don't run to catch up with what I want, or catch it before it runs away, then I could easily lose.

So yeah. Summarized. From the highs of last week, to the lows of this week. And, I have to go to work tomorrow (which I'm not fussed on anyway, non-beneficial temporary stress) plus do letters plus this that and t'other.

And I don't feel like adding a picture, but... hey ho.

From my horse's back. Saturday.

Learn from your mistakes. Work harder. Manage time. Buy shoes. Don't ride horses. Keep it real.

Love always,

Jess. 

Being ill is crap...

Had a bad day today - the ultimate bad day of all days.

I forgot my lunch. And my chemistry book. All this was realised before I got to the train station. So, not good. I tried to cheer myself up - I really really did - I even wore my jumper with the budgerigar on the front to try to make me happy, however, it was to no avail. So, the forgotten lunch, chemistry book and general tiredness (The Year of Living Dangerously was on BBC2 last night, and I love Sigourney Weaver films so...it didn't finish until 1am. Yeah.) I went to a supermarket to buy lunch, a cheeswich, and some Pepsi as a kind-of alternative. Normally a cheeswich and I'm happy, but no not today. Cheeswich at morning break made me feel kind of sicky.

This feeling of sicky continued into Biology, where actually, I didn't have the tolerance for people really. One particular person is rather into selling herself. Not in the 'prostitute/selling her body' sort of thing, but the 'I am so awesome. Much more awesome than you, shitbag festering hunk of loserness.' So I told her to shut up a couple of times and when she banged on about how much better than me she was I pulled faces behind her back. Or to her face, a few times.

At lunch, I actually had a really interesting, informative careers appointment with the new Careers Advisor. I have realised that I need to actually be thinking of this university thing, in the terms of 'What University do I want to go to' NOW. Which is odd, because it won't be for what 2 years? I don't know which uni I wanna go to. I've been to no open days, read no prospectuses, visited no websites. I really do feel sometimes as if the carpet has been ripped from under my feet, and I'm running to catch up with it.

So I went home after my double psychology, where my lovely psych teacher even commented that I 'looked a touch peaky'. Counted a morphed version of the Fibonnaci sequence in my head on the train home to stop any minor barf incidents on the plush red felt South West Trains seats. Came in, watched Gilmore Girls and have now sent out a glorious total of SIX work experiance letters to a variety of doctors practices within 10 miles of home. Oh what a life I do lead.

I think my blog is becoming rather dull and boring, just a load of words. So I have decided to put something, at the end of each post, which is making me happy today.

Blueberry, Strawberry, Kiwi, Raspberry pavlova. Meringue and a helluva lotta cream.

Since food has seemed to be my main problem today (I ate a whole bag of popcorn, several biscuits, prawn cocktail crisps, more Pepsi and a slice of that bloody pizza when I got home) I thought that 'What was the last piece of food which made me happy?' And then, I remembered. I made this in the summer, it was a family recipe and it was GORGEOUS. Seriously.

So, tomorrow brings possible illness, a new pair of boots to wear (They are suede. My luck means heavy rain tomorrow), Russian lessons and triple French first thing. Yay.

samedi

Saturday. Sat-ur-day, my favourite but one day of the week - apart from Sunday.

Yesterday, I went for an interview at a larger teaching hospital in the city where I go to school about being a volunteer - after about 15 minutes we were talking about skiing and my brother - so it was more of a chat really. After the Criminal Records Bureau check and a Health Questionnaire I'll be on the list, they'll assign me to a ward and, I suppose I just start working. Which is good, a volunteering post at a teaching hospital (which will also provide me with work experience) will make me look very rosy come this-time-next-year, and my dastardly run-in with Mr UCAS.

I suppose I should fill in a few gaps about my educational history. My parents have never once paid any money (apart from UK Tax obvs.) towards my education. I was at several state primary schools, from ages 4-11 and an all-girls grammar school from 11-16, continuing into the sixth form about 2 weeks ago, where I should stay until I'm 18, providing that I don't get kicked out. Which I won't - I'm a good girl. This summer, I took 11 GCSEs - and a twelfth was taken in 2009. Embarrassingly, here are the results.

English Literature - A*
English Language - A*
Mathematics - A*
French - A*
Chemistry - A*
Biology - A
Physics - A
Geography - A
History - A
Art and Design - A
Religion - A
Info and Computer Tech - A (June 2009)

And this year, I'm taking Advanced (A) Levels in Biology and Chemistry (necessary if you want to be a doctor/apply for medicine in the UK) Psychology and French, all to make me appealing and a varied student, rather than the full science/maths of the past. SO. I'm learning Russian and Afrikaans (mainly cos part of my get-into-med-school-plan involves me jetting off to South Africa next summer, if I can raise the funds.) British Sign Language, doing first aid until my eyes pop out and the same thing with work experience. Plus somehow having a life.

**********************************************************************************

I have been talking about med school, work experience, A Levels, careers, volunteering, UCAS, options and related business for the best part of two weeks. I think a day and a half of relaxation really is in order.

England is throwing some gorgeous weather at the moment, cold - bitter cold wind for September and clear, sunny blue skies. Horse weather to be honest - spending some lovely quality time with my old ginger horse tomorrow and going for a long ride wrapped up in jackets and the thermal gloves my mama bought me for Christmas. After that I think a hot bath, chicken soup, biology and chemistry homework and Indiana Jones marathon. For now, I'm gonna watch Mad Men, make a pizza and go to bed early. What a life I lead - much different to last weekend, where I went to a friend's university leaving party and had a teenage time indeed. I told you I wasn't the norm.

Salut,

Jess.

bienvenue

4 days into year 12. Lower Sixth. Sixth form. 11th Grade.

Kind of why I badly-englished it and named my humble blog 'Four Days Down', cos we are always at the start of something, as human beans we like experiancing new things and emotions, facing challenges and fighting demons. And after the first few days of every 'new' we always feel tired but still up for the fight, yeah? Four Days Down, many more to go.

So, short bits about me.

I'm Jessica. Jess when I like you. Jessie when I love you. I'm 16, in Sixth Form and I wanna be a doctor.

I'm blogging because... pass that bit. Truth is, I don't actually know why, just because there are a lot of us out there - by us I mean teenagers - and so many take the wrong impression, meet the wrong types, categorize the minority. I'm not the norm, people. I suppose I want to share my experiances, as a 'teen' in a big world, and the scary world of the sixth form, and the even scarier world of fighting for medical school places.

Wish me luck.